Our heroes set out in the must inauspicious of towns under the order of the onerous Head of Guard. His prejudice was legendary, and he matched them with the old town drunkard. They entered the Goblin Cave ready for a fight, but Manneo was the first to notice they weren’t in a glorious dungeon.
“Why is there doodie everywhere?” Indeed the feces was piled and rank, but our heroes fought through it and began slaughtering the goblins. Regdar struck first, turning into a swarm of insects and pouncing on the first goblin in sight. The goblin side-stepped and let out a horrific wail. This steeled the other goblins and their attacks struck home. Their wooden swords and “mud” balls were no match for our heroes, as they made quick work of the room. They thought they had seen the last of feces, until Manneo entered the next room, which was the lavatory.
Kava’s perception eyed a secret tunnel, which is where one goblin set off towards seeing that he was overrun. Manneo chased him down the tunnel, and ended him in the crawl space. In the next room Kava and Keyleth heard two more goblin’s wail, and through rough wooden doors burst in a Broodmother. She was enraged at the slaughter of her goblins and struck a hard blow to Kava, which kept her in place. The broodmother also cast a dark cloud around the heroes to obscure their sight. Regdar, moving back to recover his spear, rushed in to see his new comrades blinded and in pain. Our heroes were able to fell the beast, and continued to explore the cave.
Keyleth and Manneo began to explore the nooks and crannies of the cave in earnest. Kava noticed a weak wall in the Broodmother’s room, and Manneo rushed into the wall, covering himself in wall-feces but finding two potions and a small purse of gold. The party could not recognize Manneo as he emerged from the room. “It’s a Poo-Golem!” screamed Kava. They cleaned up the last few goblins and then looked on in horror as their heads cooled from the heat of battle…
“These are young goblins. We just slaughtered a ton of babies…” Regdar was shaken, but buffeted the horror by reasoning that it would be safer than allowing them to age and become raiders. “Who cares? Let’s get those ears for 2 gold each!” Keyleth was less-affected by the battle. Manneo was cleaned up by Regdar’s Grasping Tide.
Our heroes returned to the Head of Guard, and told him of their exploits. As they bragged, a small goblin ran past their feet with fear in his eyes. The Head of Guard caught it by its ears, mumbled, “mongrel” and slashed it across the forehead. Regdar had to be held back by Manneo and Kava as the Head of Guard threw the limp green body into the river.
“I have another job for you worthless wastes of air. The Shaman of the Spider god has started making movements in the underground crime rings. He may be trying to take over the village. I can’t get any guards into the Spider Temple, so you have to take care of him. He won’t expect you to be members of the guard.”
Our heroes settled in at the tavern for the night to cash-in their reward and so Regdar could drown his rage. Manneo had his way with a cheap floozie, using the weakest of pick-up lines. Kava turned-in early for the night and Keyleth sang a solemn song listing the keys to courtship written by the young women of the herb.
As day broke, Regdar woke the other heroes and they set out towards the Spider Temple. The Spider Shaman was expecting them, and told them that it was actually the Head of Guard that wanted the village, and has slowly been killing the acolytes of the temple to get rid of the temple. Sensing that his words were true, Regdar told his new friends that they should lure the Head of Guard inside the temple, to fight him 4-on-1. The Head of Guard quickly understood what their ploy was, and came ready for battle. The Head of Guard was no chance for Our Heroes, though, as they swarmed around him and made short work of him. The Spider Shaman gave Keyleth a boon from the Spider god, a mark that makes her more resistant to poison.
They descended to the lair of the Spider god, and she told them of her plight. She is ill and with children, and needed a potion from the apothecary to recover. The guard had been killing her acolytes, and she was unable to stave off her illness. On the way back from the apothecary, the newly-appointed Head of Guard threatened them to give poison to the god instead. After some discussion in the group, they decided to not kill the god. As they gave the god the potion, the village guard flooded the chamber. Manneo was first in the fray, taking the brunt of most of the attacks. With a well-placed throwing axe, Manneo was struck unconscious. As he was blacking out, he mumbled that Kava’s deity was illegitimate. Kava refused to heal the Goliath, and Regdar’s fog of insects enveloped the guards and Manneo, leaving nothing but bones. Moved by the loss of the comrade they barely knew, Keyleth started an elegy about Betty of the Black.